Anonymous asked: :c Whats wrong, Jhossy?
NO.
3
May
30th 2012
Anonymous asked: :c Whats wrong, Jhossy?
NO.
Words can’t describe how much I love this team.
(Source: xbeautifullyflawed, via nineteen93exoticness)
Hold on.
I’m sitting here a couple weeks shy from graduating and as always there are these thoughts consuming me. I am typing up ASB letters, one for every individual in the class. Some are easier than others and by the easy ones, I mean it’s easy to say goodbye. The hardest ones to type up are those to individuals you don’t want to say goodbye to. I don’t want that letter to be the last hard copy of memorabilia from me. I wish I could say “see you later” to all of them but none of that is guaranteed. I can honestly say if there is effort put in to any long distance friendship then the possibility of the friendship to continue is quite likely. All I can say right now is we’ll see.
What happened this year? I was so proud of everything I did and I feel like i did what I wanted all year. ASB was honestly the best choice I made for high school. As a freshman, I did not ever imagine myself to take on the position of ASB president in four years. I didn’t think I amounted to such position but thank goodness I pursued it all four years. It really hurts when people say “ASB changed you” to any of my members. It made me who I am and the change the individuals underwent was a good change—I saw it too. Nevertheless, I lived up to what I wanted to do all four years of high school and I was happy with what I did which is all that matters. I met some amazing people along the way and got close to some great adults. The custodians I kid along with, the cafeteria staff I say hi to, the secretaries I smile at, the assistant principals I hug, the faculty I converse with, and the principal whose hand I shake are amongst the wonderful Colony adults I encounter everyday. As for the students, they saw me as the one who knew everything about the colony! It’s true—I did! I feel like I built up the positive reputation I wanted to.
Academically, I had 3 great years. Junior year hurt me and I could’ve done so much better but that is all expendable at this point. I may not have gotten into Berkeley but I am going to the city I want to go to. I may have turned down other UC’s to opt for a Cal State but quite frankly, this is the path I decided to go on. I never steered myself wrong and hopefully all goes well up north. I still have graduate school to decide on another school: NYU or Berkeley. I am still proud. My amount of success can only be valued by me and no one else.
Personally, as aforementioned, I built up a positive reputation. I alienated myself from any kind of drama. I like being alone which is very paradoxical of me since I am so friendly. I don’t mind company but large groups make me apprehensive because of the lack of focus and sporadic attention. I am more of a one-on-one kind of person. I love getting to know people—the real person. Where you befriend people is very important. I’d rather meet someone in my math class or at starbucks than at a party. I managed to stay away from parties as well. I stayed away from alcohol and drugs. It’s just my own morals and the fact that I care so much about my body—someone has to. Out of so many things in life we cannot control, what I consume is what I can; therefore, I want to live a long healthy life. I’m proud of who I have become and I didn’t give in to any teenage angst and I’m okay with that.
I have met so many people. Some come and go but there are some who have been by my side all four years: Anngela Ramos, Edwin Hernandez, Emily Keobouala, and John Paul Hoang. They are my best friends and well I don’t want to write about them because that’s too sad. Many other faces shared moments with me, even if for a brief moment, but I am glad they did. People are pretty amazing. Other special people who remain close to this day are Mario Gonzalez, Nathalie Gomez, Arlen Olivo, Michelle Aleman. Marvin Lopez has been the homie too along with Javier Solis. I am so thankful for these people; they’ve added so much to my four years of high school.
I am disappointed that some friendships went haywire or people just faded and friendships dissipated. One friendship I am extremely disappointed by is the one I had with Eman Hernandez. We were the greatest friends from 7th grade up until Junior year. He disappeared from my life for a while but when I found out he made ASB for senior year I was ecstatic because that would mean we could rekindle our old friendship. Little did I know, things were different. He was not the same with me and it affected ASB which we had to release him from and from then I have heard nothing but mean, disgusting things from him about me. It didn’t have to be like this but it is and I am sorry.
I have seen seniors go these past 3 years and we move on. I have grown close to many underclassmen as well and the goodbyes are going to be hard. Two in particular, my sister of course, and her best friend Luis Perez. Luis is an amazing guy who I see as a little brother and I saw him grow into a handsome young man. His letter will be tough. High school allowed me to get so much closer to my sister. She became my best friend and I don’t know how I will react the moment I have to say goodbye to her.
I dated in high school. One guy from another school for a month and Damian Gandara. But two relationships stood out the most to me. Javier Solis, I dated twice and no I don’t regret it. He was my first heartbreak and he taught me a lot about the kind of girl I am. He became a great friend after that and he’s one of the nicest guys I know. He always has an attentive ear to listen to me and my petty problems. Deep down, I know I’ll always have something for him because he’s just that great.
Freddy Espinoza I have dated/am dating(?) these last two years of high school and still counting how many times we were “official.” I should’ve learned from the first time to not try a relationship with the same person for a second time, let alone a third, fourth, and fifth time but here we are. We are so complicated that people will never understand. I really stopped talking about it to people because it’s just so old and repetitive. He’s just something special in my eyes despite others’ opinions. He was a true friend and comfort to me. I counted on him at the oddest times of the day and latest hours of the night and he never failed to be there for me. We shared so much together. Time may not allow for us to flourish any longer and this may be as good as it gets but I just want him to not feel like I was a waste of time or mistake. We’re going our separate ways and distance will surely not help whatever we have. He is an important person to me and I wouldn’t want to forget him despite all the crap we’ve been through. He was my first love even though I have yet to admit it to him ‘til this day.
It’s a bittersweet feeling. It has hit me on many occasions that I am leaving and change is in its element. I am fortunate I have a supportive family who is really proud of me. They always say how much they wish they could experience what I am about to. I am going to miss them all so much but I need this change. I don’t know how my mom could do it—remain so strong for her daughter. I’m leaving comfort and family behind to really be on my own but I am ready.
I loved high school. I loved the colony. I loved the experiences i had and all the wonderful people I encountered. I’ll be a colonist through and through. I am extremely proud of the person I have become. I am going to be strong and do what I have to in order to do something I love. I’m scared as hell but it has to be done—I have to do this for me.
I’ll miss a lot. I’ll treasure all the memories.
To me, fearless is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. Fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen.
Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s fearless to stop believing them. It’s fearless to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearess. Letting go is fearless. Then, moving on and being alright… that’s fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is fearless.
-Taylor Swift
“Can’t we just wait until summer to fall in love again?” - him
-Family
Crap, I felt like breaking down.
My cousins from up north left as well and the last thing I said was: “I’ll see you soon when I MOVE UP THERE.” :c
You’re a whore!!! >:(
This is not the end, this is not the beginning
We’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It’s out of my control
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It’s hard to let you go
I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got
Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn’t so
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
And trying to figure out what it’s like moving on
And I don’t even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So I’m picking up the pieces, now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again
I love driving these streets. This is the only time I can release. I drive until I run out of road, out of tears.
